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Musings

Finding Happy

Feeling good is such a foreign thing. From the time I was small, if I felt anything, it was fear or shame. Even before I learned that feeling was vulnerable and unsafe, embarrassment and anger were mixed in with any positive emotion. Now that I’m beginning to feel good, it’s been a process of learning … Continue reading »

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Being an Anxious Extrovert

One of the strangest things I have been working on in therapy is empathy. In the past I never really considered myself an empath. I was emotionally volatile, but nothing exists in a vacuum. When we started exploring the possibility that I might be an empath, things began falling into place. A while back someone … Continue reading »

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I Can’t Wait

For our whole lives, we’re told to wait for something. Wait for dinner. Wait until your dad gets home. Wait until you have kids of your own. Wait until marriage. Wait until the weekend. Everything seems to revolve around waiting for conditions to get better or change. Time is made out to be this magical … Continue reading »

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Yer Killing Me, Smalls

Content Note: Suicide, self harm, religion One of the most consistent terms that gets tossed around when mental health professionals talk about me is PTSD. I’m not sure if it’s an official diagnosis yet, but from my first psychologist appointment back in April until my most recent therapy session, PTSD has been mentioned. The only … Continue reading »

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Refuse to be Deleted

This is a time when our nation is ripe. Art and media are important for telling stories that teach us things, but we must learn the lessons. It’s time to stop reading about revolutions in books like the Hunger Games. Watching Star Wars doesn’t make you a member of the resistance. Things are changing. But … Continue reading »

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Drowned in Moonbeams, Strangled by Her Own Bra

2016 is both the year that won’t end and the year that’s gone by too quickly, taking far too many people with it. It seems that we’ve been grieving someone or someones for the entire 12 months– Oh wait. It’s been a painful year. Water access is political. I know people who’ve lost their lovers and their … Continue reading »

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Pokémon Go Figure

The world is a scary place right now. It’s always been scary to a degree, but this past month has been especially bloody and fear ridden. News coverage is a perpetual stream of updates on terror attacks and hate crimes. It’s beyond the “if it bleeds, it leads” adage. There doesn’t seem to be much else to … Continue reading »

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Find Someone to Carry You

In deep, intimate moments I’ve often lamented to myself, and anyone who would listen, that there are no more great frontiers.  Sure, there are places with unknowns. The ocean is larger and more terrifying than any land mass. We don’t even know where the expanses of space end, or if they ever do stop expanding. … Continue reading »

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Balance as Productivity

A few weeks ago I worked backstage for a musical my sister was in. It was the first time I’d worked a show big enough to be in a theater that had headsets, and since I was the only theater person in a backstage full of soccer moms, the stage manager put me on headset … Continue reading »

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You Comin’ Blondie?

I have a confession to make. I love those stupid personality quizzes. The ones that tell you which element is represented in your soul (always fire, btw) or what kind of food you are (usually something I don’t like that much), but my favorite ones are Disney related. Disney princess quizzes, to be exact. Based … Continue reading »

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